Unlike social loneliness (lack of enough contacts) or emotional loneliness (lack of deep, meaningful bonds), existential loneliness is a universal and unavoidable part of the human experience. It doesn’t depend on how many friends you have or your family ties. You can be surrounded by people and still feel this form of loneliness.

Existential loneliness is rooted in the fundamental “givens of existence” identified by existential thinkers:

• Freedom and Responsibility: We are born into a world without a pre-defined meaning; we choose who to be ourselves and carry full responsibility for our decisions. We cannot share this burden of freedom and responsibility with anyone else.
• Death: Each of us faces the fact of our own mortality. This is something we must experience alone, and this realization highlights our individuality.
• Lack of a priori Meaning: The universe doesn’t give us ready-made answers or a universal meaning of life. We have to create it ourselves, and this process is deeply personal.
• The Unbridgeable Gap Between “Self” and “Other”: No matter how much we strive for understanding and closeness, we can never fully enter someone else’s inner world, and no one can fully enter ours. Our experiences, feelings, and thoughts always remain unique.

Existential Loneliness vs. Other Types of Loneliness

It is important to understand the differences:

• Loneliness in a Crowd: This is a classic example of existential loneliness. A person can be surrounded by people but feel deep isolation within their own inner world.
• The Need to Choose: Every significant decision in life, from choosing a career to a life partner, is an individual act. We can ask for advice or get support, but the final choice and its consequences are our own burden.
• A Sense of “Otherness”: Each of us is unique in our experiences. The way I see the world or feel pain and joy will never be exactly the same as someone else’s experience.

The Impact of Existential Loneliness

While existential loneliness can be uncomfortable, it isn’t an illness. In fact, realizing it can have both destructive and constructive effects:

Destructive sides (when ignored or not understood):

• Anxiety and Fear: It can cause intense worry, fear of death, or fear of non-existence.
• Despair: A sense of meaninglessness and hopelessness if a person can’t find ways to deal with the lack of external meaning.
• Avoidance: Trying to drown out the feeling through addictions (work, entertainment, substances), over-socializing, or looking for outside “authorities” to take away the burden of choice.
• Shallow Relationships: Building relationships that don’t allow for real closeness, just to avoid feeling alone.

Constructive sides (when accepted and understood):

• A Push for Authenticity: Realizing that we are responsible for our own lives encourages us to live more sincerely, according to our own values rather than others’ expectations.
• An Opportunity for Self-Discovery: Solitude provides space for introspection and deep thinking about oneself, one’s desires, and goals.
• A Source of Creativity: Many artists and philosophers have found inspiration in their existential loneliness.
• Valuing Connections: When we accept our fundamental loneliness, we learn to appreciate those moments of true closeness and understanding we manage to find with others, without the illusion of becoming “one.”
• Searching for Your Own Meaning: Realizing there is no pre-set meaning motivates us to create it ourselves, giving life personal value.
• Empathy: Understanding our own existential loneliness can boost empathy for others, as we realize everyone carries their own burden of existence.

How to Deal with Existential Loneliness?

Instead of trying to run away from or drown out existential loneliness, existential philosophy and psychology suggest learning to live with it:

• Acceptance: Acknowledge that this is an inseparable part of being human. It isn’t a sign of weakness or failure.
• Reflection: Set aside time to think about life, death, meaning, and your values. Journaling, meditation, or solo walks can be very helpful.
• Authenticity: Strive to live according to your real beliefs rather than masks or expectations. This reduces “alienation” from yourself.
• Creativity: Channel your energy into creative work—whether it’s art, music, writing, or solving complex problems. This is a way to create meaning.
• Building Quality Connections: Aim for deep relationships where trust and mutual understanding are possible, even while knowing that total “merging” isn’t.
• Seeking Existential Therapy: If this feeling becomes overwhelming or leads to depression, an existential therapist can help you explore these deep questions and find ways to build them into your life in a healthy way.

Existential loneliness is not a curse; it is a fundamental challenge that every human faces. Accepting it allows us to fully realize our freedom, responsibility, and uniqueness, opening the path to a deeper, more meaningful, and authentic life.