For a teenager, going through a parents’ divorce is like surviving a hurricane that destroys everything in its path. At this stage of life, everything is already changing rapidly: their body, relationships, views, and dreams. And now the family, which seemed stable and solid and served as an anchor, is breaking apart. A teen might react to these forced changes in many ways: from silent protest and indifference to loud emotional outbursts. To help them accept the inevitable, they need quiet care, understanding, approval, and support so that their kaleidoscopic world can hold together and keep moving forward.

Scientific studies on how divorce affects the mental health of teenagers have found that they are more likely to experience decreased well-being, low moods, higher anxiety, and low self-esteem—especially girls. They also tend to blame themselves and fear judgment from others. On top of that, school problems often follow, such as failing grades and trouble concentrating. After all, it’s hard to focus on studies when they feel completely out of place. It’s also worth remembering that divorce is considered a major risk factor for behavioral issues.

To sum up: distance or lack of contact with one parent and conflict between the two people they love most create a high-risk zone for serious problems. However, it is possible to help a child get through a divorce with minimal damage. Much of this depends on us, the adults—specifically on the family’s resources, the social environment, and the level of support. But how can you be a role model for your teen when you’re struggling yourself?

Here are some recommendations:

Take care of yourself! Your nervous state affects your child more than the divorce itself. If you can’t handle it alone, get help. A child needs to feel that they have someone to lean on; they should never become the person you lean on. Teens still look to adults for cues. If you are barely holding it together, it’s an extra burden for your child to carry.

Make it clear that whatever they feel is okay: anger, sadness, guilt, fear, disappointment, or even relief. Emphasize that they have the right to feel this way because their life is changing, they have to adapt, and not all these changes are welcome. You can say: “I see that this is hard for you. And that’s completely normal. This is a very painful situation, and you have the right to all your emotions.”

Be honest with your son or daughter, but skip the messy details. At this age, they already feel grown up, and even a hint of a lie feels like disrespect. Explain what happened briefly, without drama or harmful details. Stress that the divorce is a matter between husband and wife, but the child will always have loving parents—this change doesn’t affect that. You could say: “This is a decision made by Mom and Dad, and it has nothing to do with you. We both love you and will always be in your life.”

Do not pull the child into your conflicts under any circumstances. Even if you are technically in the right. Unless there is a threat to life or health, never badmouth your partner. To a child, both Mom and Dad are equally valuable. A teen shouldn’t be caught in the crossfire—it destroys trust and spikes their stress.

Help them find new anchors or strengthen current ones. A teenager needs to feel that life isn’t “broken” and that some things are still stable: school, friends, hobbies, future plans, and parental love. If needed, help them find a psychologist or a school counselor.

Keep a steady schedule. Daily routines send a signal that everything is okay. This is very healing for the mind and helps them adapt to change. If possible, let the teen know:

• Where and when they will be living;
• When they will see the other parent;
• What will stay the same in their life;
• And what will be different.

Encourage them to talk. During this time, they might shut down, cry alone, or run to their friends. Some talk about their feelings easily; others don’t. Don’t force it, but be there—drink tea together in silence or suggest watching a movie. Sometimes just saying, “I’m always here whenever you want to talk,” provides massive support.

Most importantly, remember that accepting change is a process with many stages, and everyone goes through it differently. If you handle it with care for yourself and your children, a day will come when you can say: “We made it through. We’ve changed. And new horizons have opened up for us.”