During the war, many teenagers have faced massive changes in their lives. Some lost their homes, and with them, their way of life and their friends. Others lost their closest family members. At the same time, infrequent calls and the struggle to maintain a deep emotional connection from a distance lead to the rapid breakdown of relationships the child used to rely on. This only makes them feel more depressed and lonely. It’s not easy for a teenager to build new relationships quickly in these new conditions. As a result, many children end up feeling isolated due to forced moves and language barriers. This is a difficult experience that absolutely needs to be processed. It causes many heavy feelings that are often hidden behind a mask of indifference, sadness, a lack of desire to study, or protest. Research during the war in Ukraine shows a sharp rise in anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts among young people. Parents often see this in the behavior of their son or daughter because expressing what’s wrong is hard, and being heard is even harder.

Adolescence involves a gradual separation from parents’ opinions, where relationships with peers take center stage. You can share feelings with friends, but it’s hard to actually process them together. This requires a significant adult figure who can “hold space” for these complex feelings, helping the child find room for them and become stronger. The problem is that Ukrainian society is completely overwhelmed by stress, and even at home, there might not be an adult who can act as a solid wall for the child. Because a teenager is still a child. We often forget this when we see an adult-looking exterior; bodies change quickly and seemingly without effort, but the inner world, which changes just as fast, needs support and clear guidance.

What can parents do to help?

I’ve written about this before, but I’ll say it again—listen without giving advice, even when your son or daughter shares the same thing many times. They don’t need advice; they need empathy, a sense of respect, and mutual understanding. So when can you give advice? It’s more about how than when: use guiding questions that help them see the situation more broadly and find the right answer themselves. All the answers are inside us, though we can’t always pull them into our conscious mind. A good question is the golden key to the lock of the most difficult situation.

Ask about feelings: “What are you feeling right now?” This allows them to listen to themselves, return to the “here and now,” and deeply interact with themselves rather than just dealing with facts and events.

Perhaps the single best way to help children is for parents to maintain their own psychological resources. Children subconsciously and instantly “read” emotions. If a mother advises her child not to worry and to find new friends, but she herself is anxious about the future and feels sorry for the child and her own bitter fate, the child will pick up on the mother’s state rather than her practical advice. It is our natural ability to react to what is hidden behind words: facial expressions, gestures, micromovements of the eyes, the look, the breathing. These markers are more real, ancient, and sharpened by thousands of years of survival. The brain notices them first—words can’t convey even 10 percent of what we feel. You can control words, but you can’t control a look; the eyes give you away instantly.

So, recommendation #3 is: don’t hide your real feelings from your children behind an “I’m okay” mask while crying into your pillow at night. Instead, process them in a healthy way and teach them to do the same by your own example.

And let’s not forget that timely psychological help allows for a soft and safe way to rebuild resilience. I am very glad that more and more Ukrainians are using it rather than blocking their feelings and passing them down to their children like “debts.” Scientific research proves that children with strong family ties handle stressful events more easily. Building that is entirely within our power.

If things aren’t working out, come for a consultation and encourage your children to do the same. Together, shoulder to shoulder, we will find a way to come out of any situation stronger.

How to help a child overcome anxiety

Anxiety is an exhausting feeling that can quietly drain a child’s strength, making them moody, irritable, or fearful at any age. It can be hard for parents to spot anxiety because there is no direct threat, yet the child is acting strange. Behavior is the main marker that draws attention.

Here are the signs that might mean a child is anxious:

1. Physical symptoms with no clear cause

• Frequent complaints of stomach aches or headaches;
• Nausea, dizziness;
• Racing heart, sweating, shaking;
• Sleep problems (fears before bed, waking up at night, nightmares);
• Fatigue or apathy.
  Children often don’t realize this is anxiety—and “speak” about it through their bodies.

2. Changes in behavior

• Avoiding certain places or situations (school, clubs, strangers);
• Withdrawing;
• Sudden tantrums, tears, or aggression with no clear reason;
• Perfectionism: fear of making a mistake or being “embarrassed”;
• Frequent questions like: “What if…?”, “What happens if…?”.

3. Changes in social interaction

• Being overly shy in new groups;
• Being very clingy to parents, fear of being without them.

4. School problems

• A sudden drop in grades;
• Refusing to go to school with no objective reason;
• Being overly worried about tests or presentations.

5. Verbal signals
A child might say: “I’m afraid…”, “I’m scared…”, “I don’t want to go there”, “I can’t do it…”, “I don’t want to be alone”, “Something is going to happen to me…”.

6. Developmental regression (especially in young kids)

• The child starts wetting the bed again;
• Asking to be carried, even though they are older;
• Starting to talk in a “baby” voice.

7. Constant need for reassurance

• Frequently asking: “Do you love me?”, “Will everything be okay?”;
• Demanding that you be nearby in situations that didn’t use to cause fear.

Of course, in war conditions, with constant night wakings due to sirens, loud explosions, and hours spent in bunkers, anxiety can become a constant companion—but that doesn’t mean it’s normal. The problem definitely needs to be addressed because anxiety weakens the body. The first step is to talk to the child, explain what anxiety is, and listen a lot. The clues to solving their worry will be hidden in what they say. A sincere talk will help them understand themselves and feel that they are okay. But you need to discuss this delicate topic in a simple, gentle, and supportive way, without dismissing their feelings.

A few recommendations:

• Get yourself ready to talk. The adult needs to be the anchor, so—no panicking.
• Use simple words. Explain it as if you were telling an interesting tale to a school kid: “Sometimes we get a fluttery feeling inside—like butterflies in the stomach or a little fear in the chest. That’s called anxiety. It happens when our brain thinks something might be dangerous—even if everything is actually fine.”
• Compare it to something familiar. Children understand images better. For example: “Anxiety is like a cloud in the sky. It shows up when you worry. But the cloud doesn’t stay forever—it drifts away, especially if we breathe slowly and relax.” Or: “Everyone has a little dragon inside. When he thinks something scary is coming, he starts breathing fire and getting ready for a fight. But sometimes he makes a mistake. Our job is to calm him down and say: ‘It’s okay, this isn’t a danger.'”
• Call anxiety a friend who tried too hard. “Anxiety is a part of your brain that wants to protect you. It says, ‘Watch out!’, even when there’s no danger. It’s not bad—it just needs help to relax.”
• Normalize these emotions. “Everyone gets anxious sometimes—both kids and adults. It’s normal. It’s just part of how our brains work.”
• Give the child tools. Say: “We can’t make anxiety go away completely, but we can learn to be friends with it. I’ll show you how.” And teach simple exercises: breathing “like blowing up a balloon,” “the butterfly hug” (hugging yourself), “name 5 things you see” (grounding technique), and drawing their fear.
• Back it up with an example from your life. “I get worried sometimes too. For example, when I have to do something important. Then I take deep breaths, go for a walk, or remember times when I did a great job. It helps.”
• Be consistent and predictable. A daily routine, clear rules, and understandable boundaries give children a sense of stability, which greatly reduces anxiety.

Helping a child handle anxiety is a very important and delicate task. It takes patience and understanding. See a psychologist if symptoms last more than 2–3 weeks or interfere with school, sleep, or social life.